Being somewhat of an introvert, I sometimes feel exhausted after social events. I’m more at ease doing things solo. But after months of adhering to social distancing rules, I’m starting to feel exhausted, lacking motivation and patience, and easily irritated. Perhaps I’m finally feeling what many experts are calling pandemic-fighting fatigue (抗疫疲勞).
February also heightened the sense of depression as this is the month when many people would break and give up their new year resolutions. I didn’t set any specific resolutions this year for I really don’t know what to expect after a full surreal year of pandemic. Without any resolutions, I wouldn’t need to worry about inevitably letting myself down. However, I can never seem to rid of the guilt of doing what God deemed wrong and not doing what God deemed right. Sin confession and renewal is a lifelong circular lesson I can never seem to get out of. The conviction I’m feeling is actually a good sign that the Spirit still dwells in me and God hasn’t given up on me yet. “Two steps forward, one step back,” I shall remind myself as I inevitably need to move on.
The arriving of CNY on coming Friday doesn’t seem to help ease my mood. The government announced early last week that the social distancing restrictions would extend for two more weeks and well into the CNY holidays. Their inhuman and unscientific ambush-style compulsory COVID19 testing that’s happening every night in isolated small areas throughout the city also garnered much hatred and anger at a time when people should be happily preparing for the arrival of a new year. I don’t think I can lie and force myself to feel festive in the coming CNY holidays, instead, I’ll likely go into hiding this year to avoid my negativity from spreading and killing whatever positivity that’s left in our dying city.
On a slightly positive note, I finally tried the air fryer a friend handed down to me a few weeks ago and it worked like a charm! The all-day breakfast in my fictitious cafe menu now feels more complete with hash browns. =)
