What is Life?

Have been pondering about the meaning of life a lot after my uncle passed away.  The question of life and death never felt so near until the traumatic experience of witnessing my uncle losing his life signals before my very eyes.

When I was aware of the interdisciplinary discussion/seminar about “What is Life?” was being held at CU today, I immediately signed up to seat in.  The auditorium was unusually packed when I arrived right on time, I guess the topic of life interests a lot of people.  The first professor talked about life from the physics and chemistry perspective.  The second professor, from the divinity faculty I think, talked about the joy of life, but he didn’t seem like a particularly joyful man to give a convincing talk.  The third and last professor was a doctor who recently stepped down from a high government position and started working at the university.  Instead of talking about life from his medicine training background, his line of thoughts seemed to resemble that of a philosopher.  I enjoy listening to all three humble scholars, especially the last one.

During the round panel discussion at the end, many interesting questions were raised from the audience, one particularly interesting one was “why use the limited time in our lives to pursue unlimited knowledge?”  I wanted to ask the speakers about “the meaning of life?” but there were too many questions and too little time.

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Uncle’s Funeral

IMG_4244Was at my uncle’s funeral last night and this morning, it was my first time in a buddhist themed funeral and also my first time helping out in one.  Helping out as a receptionist, I asked those who came to the funeral to sign their names and in return I handed them a “吉儀” – an envelope containing a candy, a coin, and a piece of tissue paper.  I also helped in marking down the names of the family and friends who brought “gifts” for my uncle’s family.

During the actual ceremony, I didn’t offer any burning incense like others but offered my silent prayer instead.  Most of the funeral rituals seemed very strange to me.  Actually, even my aunt and cousins didn’t seem to understand what they needed to do, they simply followed what the “host” told them to do.  I couldn’t understand why my aunt chose a buddhist themed funeral even though neither her nor my uncle are buddhists.  If a non-buddhist can have a buddhist themed funeral, can a non-christian have a christian themed funeral?

My aunt said my uncle started praying on his own occasionally before he passed away.  A pastor from the hospital also visited and talked to my uncle a few times when he was still conscious.  Only God knows whether my uncle opened up his heart to Him before he passed away, and I can only pray that God be merciful to my uncle’s soul.

Animal Portraiture

After my uncle passed away more than 2 weeks ago, I seemed to have become more withdrawn, quiet, and serious.  I also seemed to have grown more conscious about the limit of our time in this world.  The question about life’s purpose also pops up more often in my mind these days, what does God want me to do in life?

Continuing my art therapy, I’ve been spending a fair amount of time practicing calligraphy and drawing animal portraits with a brush pen for the last few weeks.  With nearly 1 year of weekly calligraphy classes, my hand-eye coordination and my proficiency in using the brush pen seemed to have improved a lot.  I can now draw decent animal portraits using photo references with just a brush pen, no penciling and erasing.

I wonder what God wants me to do with this artistic skill (gift?) He has given me.  I’m still not too clear about where God is leading me in life, but I feel that I’m on the right track and heading at the right direction. 

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Starting Life Anew

After a week of mourning and using cartooning and bible scriptures to help myself emotionally cope with my uncle’s passing away, I wished to start life anew this week.  I started my running practice again, made 3 short morning runs over the week, the associated endorphins generated seemed to help.  I also started a new daily routine of practicing calligraphy and reproducing (animal) photo portraits with my brush pen, the solitude while indulging in art also seemed to help.

I also joined fellowship again after skipping it last week.  Many b/s seemed to be concerned about me and asked if I was okay, I don’t know how to respond other than saying I was okay.  Frankly, I think I’m ok other than being more quiet and seemed to be lost in my thoughts more often than usual.  I’m confident that time would heal.

I’m more worried about my aunt, she and my uncle were inseparable.  Our family met up with her this afternoon to see how we can help out with the coming funeral next week.  My aunt seemed a lot better than before, at least there were no more tears.  But she would still go on and on once she started talking about my uncle.  My aunt still misses my uncle a lot, as expected.  Time shall heal, though it will definitely take a lot more time for my aunt.

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Mourning… (end)

It was about this time last week when my uncle passed away.  I’ve since started a week long mourning by avoiding any kind of social gatherings including Sunday worship, calligraphy class, and fellowship.  The avoidance came natural as I have the habit of hiding myself when I’m down.  I’ve also tried out an unorthodox therapy of creating cartoons with bible scriptures.  The distraction together with God’s words seem to provide some comfort and helped me cope emotionally.

If only I could avoid reality forever!?  Must keep up hope and start life anew!

“Oh Lord, thank you for letting me find a little comfort with Your words this week.  Please help me to start life anew next week.  Please continue to mould me and use me for your good works.  And I know my aunt and cousins are many times more sad than me.  Please be with them, comfort them, wipe off their tears, and help them heal.” ??

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Isaiah 40:31

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Psalms 46:10

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Psalms 90:12

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Romans 12:12

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Romans 12:15

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